Our culture creates the expectation that life is supposed to be like a happy day at the beach, yet we all know that real life is far from a unilaterally joyful experience.
Movies tell us that the stars have to be twinkling every night. But that’s not the reality of life. Total happiness is hard to come by- in life and especially in a relationship.
These days relationship are a real deal. We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person doesn’t care at all. Yet forgetting that relationships take efforts to maintain and you won’t always be happy with your partner. That’s equally true as your relationship is or say love is.
Everyone knows relationships are hard and take the effort to maintain and sometimes even disappoint you.
Except, of course, your relationship. That’s different. Or so everyone likes to believe!
As a couple even if you love each other, given some time there comes a realization that you and your partner have different fundamental values to abide by. If so, it can be hard to make a relationship work. But as solidarity, you should understand that values are different from interests.
There are some of the truest but hardest to accept insights about modern romance. These insights are more like situational conditioning which the couple goes under with time and without any realization, at times making the relationship TOXIC.
One of the most visible signs of a toxic relationship is persistent unhappiness. If a relationship stops bringing joy and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry and anxious or “resigned, like you’ve sold out,” it may be toxic.
One of the major sign of leading to a toxic relationship is when either of the two partners is not having a ‘healthy mental state’. They could be suffering from depression, anxiety or an unsupportive loving upbringing. Due to these issues, that one partner becomes overly dependent on the other for his or her emotional needs.
Also, one major red flag in a relationship comes when you start to feel that everything is about them and never about you. Everyday life, events, conversations, and basic interactions are frequently about that person, where there are constant manipulation and abuse of power over you. At times, you just cannot confront the person you’re dating about something they did or said that hurt you. Rather than listening to your concern and apologizing, they will manipulate and flip the conversation, telling you all the things you’ve done to hurt and upset them.
You have feelings too, but the other person won’t hear them. You’re unable to have a two-sided conversation where your opinion is not heard, considered and respected. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, the other partner battles with you until they get the last word. So with time, you may feel alone, constantly guilty, and you’ll even doubt your own self-confidence and self-worth.
Another hitting sign important enough to mention here is when you are uncomfortable being yourself around that person. You don’t feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. Gradually this state requires you to bring lies or subtle dishonesty to hide the truth in a relationship.
A successful relationship is a bond shared by two ‘individuals’. At times when you are in a toxic relationship, you’re not allowed to grow and change. Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, the other person responds with some disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts. Instead, they keep you stuck in old judgments making you believe that you will never be any different than you are now.
Given the above behaviour, it often leads to making you feel that you can’t do anything right. Now that’s another sign of being in a unhealthy relationship. The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough. They mock your personality and you feel ashamed most of the time.
Having all these issues already into existence, a great acceleration to toxicity comes when your partner doesn’t have a habit of talking through the issue. Take it as a major red flag in a person’s behavior which may indicate that the relationship won’t work for long.
All couples have disagreements. That’s perfectly normal and healthy. But it’s how you handle those disagreements that can really make or break things. Walking away from the heated conversation, shutting down the argument, throwing tantrums or say playing a blame-game. These are all red flags! Communication is the key here.
Lastly to be noted here is that your partner may be the most important person for you but if something in your gut feels wrong then trust that. Never let a relationship go along the way of abuses or unacceptable behaviours. Know that if you invite it once, you get it again.
If at any point, you have the feeling that something is wrong, things aren’t adding up, then trust that. Remember, actions speak louder than words. If your partner says one thing and does another, look deep into yourself and tell yourself it will only get worse and walk away. Never be rushed, even if it feels good. The one who is truly into the relationship will be kind and patient.
Having mentioned the above reasons, it’s never wrong to show an optimistic flip. There is something every partner should get the clarity with before they actually start realising that they are into something that isn’t healthy.
One most important and real question is that whether you as a couple plan to make the relationship work or no, regardless of how you both change. There is no right or wrong answer to this. But the truth is, relationships are not easy. They are never easy. They require compromise. They require you to extend yourself for the sake of the other and they require you to redefine the definition of love that our culture has handed over.